If there’s anything that I have been wrong about, it would be thinking that journaling isn’t important, and I’ll tell you why, but before I get to that I’ll give you a timeline.

•  August 2014: I went to my first therapist session because I was lost, she told me I have depression and anxiety (I just did therapy for 8 sessions, no meds yet)
• July 2015: I went to a psychiatrist in the Philippines, she said I have the same thing (She prescribed me with Lexapro)
• January 2016: I went to a psychiatrist who told me I have Bipolar Disorder (I continued Lexapro and then changed it to Celexa because I didn’t feel any changes)
• (I stopped doing therapy and taking my antidepressants and I had a mental breakdown on July 31) August 2016: I ended up in a psych hospital and I was told I have Borderline Personality Disorder (I started taking Welbutrin and that’s been working for me).

That’s a lot to take in, if I dare say so myself, information overload about a stranger, but I want you to know that you’re not alone. The journey to understanding yourself and your pursuit of knowing who you are mentally and emotionally can get hard times, there are even instances where a professional can be wrong, but it gets better.

I started journaling earlier because I started taking Ambien, and it was making me have blackouts and forget everything that happened the day before. It was like how Lucy from 50 First Dates would forget, except I didn’t forget people, I just forgot what happened. What started as a way for me to remember things later on became a habit, though I did stop for a couple of months because I started being detached. I picked back up on journaling when I was in the hospital because I wanted to do some self-reflection. Now, journaling has become a way for me to hone in my thoughts and keep myself sane. One ultimate way it’s helped me is how it helped me recognize things that I can improve on and the things that I do wrong; talking to yourself doesn’t mean you’re crazy, it’s a really good way to know who you are and feel at peace within yourself. Mental health is such an underrated topic, but it shouldn’t be that way.

I want to touch base with being in a psych hospital, seeing therapists, and going a psychiatrist – because those are often seen with a stigma.

• Being told I was going to a psych hospital scared me, I started sobbing in the hospital and messaging everyone close to me. On the way there, I was shaking, then when I got there I stayed in my room for the first couple of hours. Psych hospitals aren’t what the media paints it to be, there were different areas ranging from highly functional to schizophrenic. It was a way for me to meet people who went through the same things (I was in the highly functional group, all of us in there were people who attempted suicide), it was also a way for me to find resources.
• Seeing therapists doesn’t necessarily mean sitting on a couch and talking about your problems, it’s more of talking about your problems and then finding coping skills to help you manage things. Y’know how it’s easier to open up to a stranger because there’s no personal connection and it’ll be between the two of you? That’s how it is for me. At time it can get tedious, though it does help. And there are a lot of therapies out there, so there’s one that’s bound to fit any need.
• Going to a psychiatrist is basically like going to any doctor, the fear is there, yet when you’re sitting there talking about your situation that fear goes away. I can’t really elaborate on this, however, I want to say that openness with the psychiatrist will help you the most, because the doctor will only base things from what he or she knows.

My aim in sharing all of this is to open up a conversation and suggest a thing that has helped me in hopes that it would help others too. Journaling has been the biggest help for me because talking to myself was a way for me to know that I am my own best friend and I am strong enough to have control over my life, the other resources were just ways to support the work that I have started within. Above all else though and if those things I have shared isn’t your cup of tea, I’d say open up to the people around you, because there’s a high chance that you feel alone and misunderstood, but they’re there for you and people are willing to do whatever they can to help, they just don’t know what you’re going through. This is probably such an overused phrase and even Michael Jackson sang about it (Ay, ang corny ng joke ko, sorry, haha), “You are not alone” holds so much truth, remember that. Being on your own doesn’t necessarily mean loneliness, because when you start knowing yourself more, your company will be more than enough.

PS: I am a message away, here or any of my social media (Lei Ann Grace on FB, titsmcfists on IG and Twitter). If it counts for something, I’m always here to listen.

The post Journal Entries appeared first on Silakbo PH.

I am not a medical professional. I’m writing this because a friend confided in me that she was having difficulty finding compassion for a co-worker (I’ll call him Tom) who was in a car accident. His left arm was crushed and amputated and he was later diagnosed with PTSD:

“I just don’t get it, he’s happily married, has a newborn son, is good looking, and is right-handed for God’s sake. He needs to get over it and come back to work. Soldiers in battle who lose both legs are the ones who have PTSD. I think he’s just trying to get more disability insurance.”

He may be committing insurance fraud. I don’t know her co-worker.

But I do know a few things about PTSD and would like to stop the misunderstanding, and hopefully, the condemnation. (If you need more medical insight on PTSD, click here to find information from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America’s website.) 

Instead of addressing the man’s physical handicap, I’m going shed some light on PTSD by looking at my friend’s statement:

1. “I just don’t get it…”

PTSD is an individual’s reaction to a traumatic event and that’s why you’ll probably never fully ‘get it’. Three people who experience the same tragedy may handle it very differently. I’ll give three examples, but there are many more!

One person may talk about it willingly. He comes to terms with the pain and sorrow by talking and feeling the support and love of those around him. He feels safe, moves past the event, and eventually doesn’t need to discuss it as much. Be patient with this person and let him ‘talk it out’ as often as needed.

Another person may be overcome by the pain and sorrow. She may be shocked – numb even – as she quietly processes the ordeal. This person needs time and space and a lot of support when she opens up. She then, hopefully, is able to move on and find pleasure in life again. Let this person know you are there for her whenever needed – and then be there for her.

And the third person, my PTSD example, is sucked into a state of anxiety that you can’t possibly ‘get’ unless you actually experienced PTSD. This third person suddenly exists in a reality where those subconscious creatures I talked about earlier seep into consciousness at very inopportune times. These ‘intrusive thoughts’ are unwelcomed and can be terrifying.

The next time you want to understand but just can’t – be grateful you’re not in this person’s head and give him a break.

2. “…he’s happily married, has a newborn son, is good-looking, and is right-handed, for God’s sake.”

PTSD numbs the mind to things that were once enjoyed and appreciated. Like depression, PTSD sucks enjoyment out of life. That’s what separates those who ‘can’t understand’ from those actually suffering from PTSD. Someone who is ‘down’, having a ‘mental health day’, or hesitant about starting something new can shake off the depressed feeling, wake up the next day, and start again. By definition, people suffering from PTSD/depression/anxiety can’t.

Because Tom is happily married, has a reason to live because of his newborn son, is good looking, and has a right hand to continue building his life – but still can’t show up for work – makes me think he does have PTSD. With all the goodness surrounding him everyday, he still can’t function.

3. “He needs to get over it and come back to work.”

Getting up and going to work gives us a feeling of accomplishment, reason for living, and the ability to pay bills while saving for vacations and retirement. We all complain about work, endure bad bosses, lazy co-workers, and engage in deadline warfare. But, we still get up and go to work. If we’re honest, we’re grateful to have a job that pays for our services. If you aren’t grateful, get yourself another job. You deserve to look into it for your own mental health!

The fact that Tom can’t get back to work is another red flag. Before the accident, my friend would tell me wonderful stories about her job’s tight-knit community. She often talked about Tom and how his wife would hang out with everyone after hours! Tom even organized some of the get-togethers in town.

Yes, he does have to come back to work. The fact that he can’t and is seeking professional help is a tribute to his sense of self. Just conjecture on my part, but I bet his wife is behind getting the professional help for him. Thank God he has her in his corner.

4. “Soldiers in battle who lose both legs are the ones who have PTSD.”

God bless our soldiers and the pain, sorrow, and loss they experienced. That they’re not all walking around with PTSD proves how individualized trauma is. Two soldiers, one loses his arm, the other loses both legs and his eyesight. The first is diagnosed with PTSD and struggles every day to free his mind and emotions from intrusive nightmares. The second struggles with physical hardships, but without PTSD’s mental torment, his resilience soars. Because PTSD isn’t breathing down his neck, the second soldier moves on from the trauma and establishes a new reason for living. Horror rained down, but he can still see that life is good.

I’d like to think the second soldier doesn’t judge too harshly the mental struggles of the other. I’m sure he wants to tell him to ‘buck up’ and all that. But really, deep down, I’m sure he’s thankful he’s not tormented by PTSD and can get on with his life.

PTSD is something not wished on another.

I was diagnosed with PTSD after the birth of my stillborn son. Though my traumatic event was very different from a soldier at war, the symptoms are similar: insomnia, irritability, inability to concentrate, easily startled, suicidal ideology, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, avoidance, and overwhelming guilt or shame. 

It’s not how you or I think a person should react to a traumatic event. It’s what was going on in the person’s mind before, during, and after the event.

5. “I think he’s just trying to get more disability insurance.”

As I said before, ‘He may be.’

But how can we know for sure?

I do know PTSD is treatable. PTSD sufferers need to be believed, and helped. The fact that Tom is searching for help means he is very brave. Not many people are strong enough to open up about all the craziness going on in their mind.

More people should.

So, give anyone struggling with mental health problems a break. The stigma involved with acceptance is as difficult to shoulder as the diagnosis itself. They should be praised, supported, championed even. They realized they needed help and were brave, strong, and humble enough to ask for it.

And that’s the way mental health is treated.

The post Be Strong, Be Brave, Be Humble Enough to Ask for Help appeared first on Silakbo PH.